January 29, 2011

roommate relationship clarify

what we want relationships: three kinds > intimate (spiritual), care partner, business
define what you don't want
qualities: self absorbed.
what we want: mutually sharing, caring, contributing, communicates well, makes us feel significant, common values,
create personal for craigslist for sharing/talking buddy
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Ken
business relationship: wedding photography, labor moving,
personal - activity partner, project love. reflective personal coach. do you want to change? what do you want to change? how can we be a resource for one another? stress management
* wants a woman to love him, $300/mnth child support
+'s likes to share what he has, friendly, pretty funny guy, lots of energy
Chris
business: moving w/ ken
personal: volunteer partner,
+'s considerate, generous, kind, loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others
Daniel
business relationship: rent, massage barter,
personal - activity partner, conversational. personal coach, do you want to change,
+'s loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others
Brian
business relationship - bulk of rent,
personal - cycling, groceries, dining
+'s generous, he's never at home, driven (motivation by osmosis) Self - be more productive, focused, have more money, be better at relationship, eat healthier, have more female friends.
relationship clarify
what we do not want:
- to feel that we did not experience the highs in life associated with romantic love
- the feeling that I'm "missing out" on something
- don't want hurt misunderstanding unresolved hurts.
what we do want:
- authentic love: that you love me b/c you think i'm beautiful and you can't stand seeing me alone and yet i know you're okay but that you deserve more.
- i want to give to others
- i want muses's to inspire me
- focused on social change in a fun way.
- I want to hold and love a baby child.
- I want to feel needed
- I also want my freedom
- I want to be admired

relationships or forming them can equal hurt and i shed a tear today and did not know why and realized that I have not done well in my relationships and I can focus on what I can change, because that's the only thing that I can control is how i treat others so here are some of the mistakes I've made in the past and how I hope to remedy them.
1 I have felt disappointed and hurt by others my dad, katie jo, i don't know how i can change or prevent feeling hurt. so I've shied away from relationships. They hurt so much but that's no way to live. fear of disappointment or failure that's normal. I can't control if others will behave in ways that will hurt me all I can control is how I interpret others actions or make meaning of others actions. For example Katie Jo doesn't make the effort to reach out so I interpret that as she is self-absorbed and doesn't need me that she has someone new. I'll have to let it go. wow it's taken a long or been a long time coming. I'll choose to interpret that as she is young and has not yet understood or she is a fearful person or that's just how she treats her ex's. or it's too painful to put herself out there to be hurt. like she's been stung by me the time i did not respond to her so she vows to never email again. To put your heart out there and to have a love dissolve really is painful. We suppress it the best we can and I've learned to but it will surface sooner or later. it wasn't the worst of breakups but it was painful none the less.
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