January 05, 2004

All That You Can't Leave Behind

Monday Jan. 05-'04! 6:45A.M. Miami Beach, FL

The air is so nice here, fresh, naturally, a hint of salt from the sea, calm and steady. I come here today for hope and what better a symbol for it than morning sunrise. Last night I had a vivid dream. It involved two people who really affect me, one I hat to love and the other I hate to hate. My once girlfriend turned "dissacciate" is the one I hate to love. Naturally we still have feelings for one another but she'll deny it and has moved on to new relationships. So I love her, but I hate that I do.

The dream last night starts with me chasing after her down a huigh school hallway, longing for affection to be returned. Her body language communicates that she would rather let time erase what was between us. I think to myself, "women. so typical" After relentless pursit, she finally agrees to talk to me. I have a seductive affect on her and she me, so we kiss passionately and all things are back to good. [Interruption of thought: the sun just rose over the water's horizon. It is beautiful, awe-full, and so, so transient; if you blink you just might miss it.] So we find ourselves happy and embraced in each others arms in my mothers sewing room watching television. Things are so perfect, too perfect, I feel something bothersome coming, and sure enough, it is my father, who scorns and yells at me to be more productive.

Always intimidated by him, I don't bother verbalizing what utters in my head, "Look around pops, there's really nothing left to be done." But in my dream, my father can read my mind and he says, angrily, "Oh, yea? Well I got something for you to do. You can put finish on the wooden drawers in your room." I want to think, "Oh brother, how necessary" but I don't b/c I know he can read my mind. I wake up to the repetitive back and forth motion of my paintbrush on wood. Interpretations, anybody?
Dancin' Dao (dancin' thru life)